Introduction:

My main purpose of making art has been a journey of exploring the self.[i] The self-representing “I”, from a first person point of view is rooted in the metaphysics of subjective consciousness, which is an awareness of both internal and external existence.  This principle is rooted in the notion that conscious states of being are of both the self and the world. 

The medium used to explore this concept is acrylic on paper and canvas. Previously I worked with oil paints for over a decade.  However, gradually I realized that oil painting was not suitable for the humid climate in India, particularly in Kolkata. There are several reasons to arrive at this conclusion.  Firstly, the medium takes time to dry and in the process, dust particles cling to the surface of the canvas and dry onto the painting. Secondly, the humid climate makes the canvas slightly moist and it becomes a suitable breeding ground for fungus and mould.  I have spent many years trying to restore fungal marks on the painted surface.  I have reworked on damaged paintings or tried to completely change the composition only to see that the fungal attacks have been relentless and damaging. Lastly, the breathing issues that resulted due to the prolonged exposure to the turpentine oil necessitated that I shift to a new medium. Even though I had a great affinity to paint in the oil, it was with great difficulty that I had to unlearn and relearn my way into a new medium.  Initially I was mimicking the technique used in oil painting. Gradually the acrylic medium took me into a very different direction of painting.  I began to understand its scope and variations. I would like to attribute the change in my stylistic approach to the acrylic medium.

The reference base that I use in my paintings is derived from various sources that  range from images from the internet, books, journals, photographs, diagrams and my own scribbles and drawings (Fig 1). The research aspect reflects my observation of the known and unknown realities that are encountered in the transient and ever-changing world that we live in.[ii] The notion that nothing is permanent is a feeling that is ever present.  When I observe my memories, I am aware that I can freely transport myself to a different time zone, where I can relive moments with people who are no more or visit places which have ceased to exist.  Memories are the only way through which the past continues into the present.  With every ticking away of time the present becomes a moment of the past and the memories become a proof that nothing will ever be the same. 

Throughout the stages of the problem-solving process, I am involved in selecting and arranging images into several components to create a tangible visual order. These references undergo a transformative process in which they are interpreted to suite the requirements of the painted surface.

Image-making as a Process:

The image-making process is much like excavation, where the job of an archaeologist is to decipher and put together fragments from the residues of reality, except that my intentions here is not to reconstruct nature but to create a new reality with the artistic tools at hand. This realm is achieved by juxtaposing various shapes, forms and drawings that come together quite randomly at first, with a sense of spatial association to create surprising and unexpected connections that transport the viewer to a different dimension of reality. [iii] We are aware of the mysteries that surround outer space and the universes, whether life exists elsewhere.  The sheer expanse and vastness of an ever-expanding universe is terrifying as well as beyond comprehension.   The macro reality plays out on a micro level through the blurring of boundaries of a concrete world which we live in by incorporating multiple realities.  The artworks speak of this world through its parallel reality.

Human Form as a Central Image:

The central image in my painting is based on the human form (see Fig 2.) which is a symbolic representation of the individual who carries within, a prototype of the self, representing humanity at large. The painted figure is devoid of a specific identity and features and yet having within it, diagrams and detail, which is a summary of the journey of a lifetime within (see Fig 3). 

_{Fig 2. The Encounter, 2017 Fig 3. Gathering Memories, 2017}

Self as an Entity:

The self as an entity cannot exist in isolation or independent of the social fabric. The social self is the learned self, formed of beliefs, customs and a set of principles set out by the group ethos of a community. To live within a social framework is to be allowed to be dictated by certain rules laid down by the society.  Does the group identity define the self or is there a larger entity at work? (see Fig 4) The nature of the self takes on a much higher meaning when I attempt to transcend the individual self for a broader representation through the humanity.

Referencing Individual:

In order to reference an individual, they are considered as the centre of scrutiny and as the point of reference. However, in this encounter there is a dissolving of the individual as an impersonal aspect of a generalized self emerges (see Fig 5). Notions of the individual are diluted for the representation of the many. There is an apprehension to represent the self in this way as it is simpler to perceive oneself as contained in a body.

However, an individual is susceptible to the immediate sensorial experiences that define his or her existence. And so, it becomes much harder to perceive the self as part of a much larger entity.  Alternatively, it appears as if the self is not a static entity but a store house of experiences that is constantly shifting and transforming its very essence into something new.  This transformation of being to becoming happens in an infinite loop. To quantify this state is almost like trying to grasp something invisible. The individual is constantly in a state of flux and this makes it even more difficult to pinpoint or locate it in time, as what you are will be in a constant state of becoming.  It is like saying – when I peep into the mirror, I do not know who I see.  Time has a transforming impact on the self and self-doubt is stretched across time. To explore further my concerns, I have also tried to seek what cannot be seen, through the human experience.   The human form is a symbolic representation for narrating stories, weaving myth, transferring knowledge and cultural inclinations.

_{Fig 6. Within- Without, 2020 Fig 7. In the Beginning, 2020}

Autobiographical Quality:

My artwork embodies an autobiographical quality in the sense it captures the self in moments.  (see Fig 6). It is like freezing a frame in time to convey an aspect of a bigger truth. This has given me the scope to get deeper into the abyss of my psyche to represent what I comprehend in a tangible manner. By doing so, I may have risked exposing my vulnerable side to an external audience who may not like what they see or may absorb greatly from the encounter. In the transfer of knowledge, a part of the self gets projected onto the artwork which in turn becomes part of visual memory. This interaction between the inner world and the outside reality creates a mirror in which the artist sees a reflection to read into, an enriched reality, which will in turn transform the inner being. From a macro point of view, the rhythm of the universe could be found residing within the individual.  This representation of the individual portrays a more generalized and universal being however, in the process, one should not be mistaken that this universal entity can have a unique and independent capability of moving in opposing directions to the forces of humanity (see Fig 7).

Negotiating with the Self:

While negotiating with the self, looking at the past rather than the future provides a more concrete base to understanding its implication. It is like going back in time to the memories that have been processed through overlapping layers and shaped into this reconstructed identity. Within the context of the inner and outer realm of the human interface, there lies an experience which reshapes and defines who you are. This notion of the container and the contained may be decentred, as time transforms and modifies its essence. By decentring the self, I would like to point to its shift to a transformative state where nothing is static (see Fig 8). The experiences shaped by memory shuffle within to create a logic which reconstructs the idea of an identifiable self. When these notions meet reality there is a crossover where the journey becomes that of the one through the other and all our experiences are similar as an experience of the human race and differ at the point of being an individual.

Conclusion:

This conflict of the self to remain a separate entity and at the same time be a part of the larger human race creates a perpetual flux and friction through which there is a give and take that enhances the self and the society at large.  This conflict is a source of inspiration for my art practice. The painted image of the human form retains the proportions that can be seen in a human being but with certain exaggerations that the practice of painting brings with it.  Various abstract elements have been introduced to the form to emphasise the perpetual exchange taking place between the individual and humanity.  Other visual elements that are alien to the basic human form are added to reinforce the fact that no individual can exist independent of the other and to draw your attention to a larger cosmic order which carries an invisible force that connects everything with everything else (see Fig 9).